Breaking Free from Familiarity: How To Disappear and Transform Yourself

Have you become too common and predictable in the eyes of those around you?

If so, it may be time to go underground, become uncommon, work on yourself, and reemerge as a transformed individual. 

There was a time when I was too predictable, too common. My life had become an open book to everyone in my locality—whether it was at the local bar, my neighborhood, or even among those who pretended to be my friends. They knew too much about me, my routines, my thoughts, and my plans. It was as if I had lost my mystery, and with it, my power. That’s when I realized something had to change. I needed to disappear, to become uncommon, unpredictable, and reclaim my sense of self.

It's then I realized that there’s a certain power in disappearing and working in the shadows:

Become a mystery to everyone 

The more you expose your life to the public, the more opportunities others have to drag you down. It’s a natural sociological phenomenon.

Becoming unavailable and committing to personal growth in secret can be exhilarating because you know that when you reappear, your transformation will shock the world. Interestingly, when you do reemerge, you’ll find that you no longer care about the opinions of friends and acquaintances. The only opinion that will matter is your own. Let’s explore how to do this effectively, broken down into three key parts:

I. How to disappear

II.  What to do in the shadows

III. How to reappear

How to Disappear

How do you disappear the right way? The first step is to keep your mouth shut. 

Keep you mouth shut

Your words betray you more often than you realize, so gaining control over what you share is crucial. Stop speaking openly about your life to anyone—this includes family, friends, and coworkers. The only exception might be your life partner, but only if you’re certain they genuinely support your success.

Controlling your urge to talk will take time. It’s a natural habit for us to share information, as it’s coded into us for the survival of the species. But to truly disappear, you must learn to catch thoughts before they escape your mouth. Become a mystery to everyone, and only then will you be able to operate effectively in the shadows.

What to Do in the Shadows

Secondly, care only about what you think. The opinions of others should no longer matter. To disappear and stay hidden, you’ll need to reprogram your mind to stop caring about what others think. The truth is, most people don’t care about you, but the problem is you think they do, and this belief influences your actions. You need to silence that part of you that cares about others' opinions.

Care only about what you think

Create an ideal version of yourself in your mind and become obsessed with what that person thinks about you—this is the only opinion that should matter. Would you be proud of your actions? Would you be satisfied with your progress? By focusing on this mental construct, you’ll be less a puppet of others and more in control of your own life. This isn’t easy and requires practice and repetition. Share in the comments if you’ve managed to master this trick and how it has worked for you.

Third, hide your plans. On this journey, you’ll develop ambitious goals, and you’ll likely feel excited to share them with those around you. Don’t. Keep your plans close, like passwords to your treasure. Every time you reveal a part of your plan, you diminish your chances of achieving it. By openly discussing your plans, you’re satisfying others but harming yourself. Instead, be surgically intentional about whom you confide in—if you need advice or expertise, seek out the right person, reveal only the minimum necessary, obtain what you need, and then disappear again.

Fourth, hide your progress. Progress will come, although it may take time, and you’ll notice that it’s more easily achieved when you disappear. But don’t let anyone see your progress. Don’t flaunt your improved physique, wealth, or skills—focus solely on advancing further. Disappearing only pays off if you complete your transformation. If you revert to your old habits midway, you risk undoing all your progress and ending up back at square one.

Lastly, hide your tears, blood, and failures. Going into “ghost mode” or “monk mode,” essentially crushing it in the shadows, is tough. You’ll experience physical pain, mental fatigue, and you may bleed or cry after facing obstacle after obstacle on your path to progress. Your instinct might be to complain to a close friend or seek comfort from family, but you’ll need to resist. Endure the pain alone—scream into the wind, let the tears flow, and patch up your wounds yourself. Each moment of rock bottom can be a catapult to another level of performance. Embrace the pain, and let it fuel your transformation.

How to Reappear

When the time comes to reappear, start by picking your targets. What will you transform into?

Pick your targets

It’s essential to know what you want to become through this process. Be specific—whether you want to become incredibly fit and unrecognizable physically or mostly, financially, or build a thriving business, define your goals clearly. Write them down and place them where you can see them, but remember, no one else should.

Next, revolve your life around achieving your goals. Every waking hour should be directed toward your objectives. Obsess over your goals—this is your one chance in life, so dedicate every breath to it. Everything you do should be intentional and aligned with your transformation. Move closer to the gym, take classes to develop necessary skills, and time-box your day to ensure you’re working on your goals daily. Regularly review your plans, track your progress, and break down larger goals into manageable steps.

Finally, reprogram your mind to find happiness in the act of crushing it. You’ll need to love this disappearing act, and the process of working in the shadows. Initially, everything will feel strange, but eventually, you’ll find joy in the pain and the lack of visibility. This mental shift is essential for your positive transformation, so embrace it.

After you’ve accomplished your transformation, you may reappear, but here’s the twist—you may not want to. If done correctly, you’ll no longer feel the need to return to the spotlight. You’ll have become one with the shadows, your life transformed beyond your expectations. You’ll continue to crush it, push toward greater goals, remain a mystery to most, and find a profound peace in the shadows, far greater than what you had before.